If you want to be more successful in helping others succeed, regardless of the source or sources of your coaching, you need to clearly understand this master key.
If you want to take advantage of and be open to any coaching or feedback you receive, you must understand this key as well.
The master key to successful feedback is intent.
Stated simply, when our intent is clear and pure; when we really are giving feedback and coaching with the very best for the other person in mind, it will be more successful. And if our purposes are vindictive, punitive, meant to “fix” someone, or come from our frustration or anger it will be less successful.
In other words, coaching shouldn’t be about us, but about the other person and their success.
Since we have all received much coaching and feedback in our lives, we know this is true. When we sense that the feedback we are receiving is valuable and comes from a perspective of truly wanting us to improve, we are more open to hearing and applying it.
All said and done , it’s you who got to choose if there is someone’s life you would alter, just a little, in a good way.
There have been numerous books written on coaching and they talk about models, techniques and even the dummy style route maps to being a successful coach.
Short term quick fixes work well, but I wonder if they drive commitment that can last over a week.
Think about it, what you would like to see in your coach.
Try to remember that one well wisher who you would believe instantly and discuss things willingly with. What was different in the relationship with that person?
The difference is the TRUST factor.
As a coach or a mentor, trust is the key to effective and lasting motivation that drives change.
What drives trust?
Trust is built upon three key elements on the long term perspective:
Honesty: The birth of positive and open culture where fairness is the most prized element is a must to generate trust. Do people feel appreciated or confronted? Do people think of you as assistance or as competition?
These questions must be answered to unsure comfort for everyone in the situation.
Benevolence: Are you a good human being? Do people around you believe a good human being? Trust is built on beliefs, the more positiveness we can pump in through being kind, the higher the amount on trust will be.
Capability: Are you an expert? Do people find your feedback credible and believable? Do you practice what you preach? These are some of the key things that you need to ensure.
As long as there is Honesty, Benevolence and Capability in the picture – Trust will drive coaching and feedback in the system.
A manager’s world has today moved from ‘control and captivate’ to the ‘care and coach‘. In business circles, no longer does the old fashioned ‘boss’ command his way and the subordinate listens.
Hard work has seen a paradigm shift and effort is no longer just staying back at work.
These are the changes that have pushed managers today to transform into a ‘coach’, from being a ‘roach’.
Let’s define some basics:
Category : Roach
Characteristics: Insolent, Authoritative, Fatherly, Fear power, Inconsiderate, HARI SADU (pun intended!)
Creation : Good at driving mass hysteria, create efforts, hard work and push people to look busy and stressed, Gossip topics
Example :Hitler, Gaddafi
Category : Coach
Characteristics: Considerate, Empathetic, Honest, Kind, People Power, Friendly and Progressive
Creation : Good at driving commitment, Get people to go the extra mile, Drive motivation and passion
Example : Mahindra Singh Dhoni, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs
Based on these profiles, it is only a matter of choice depending on what you want to be – Coach or Roach?
In the multi-dimensional businesses of ‘now’, it will help to rather have a bunch of people committed to a tough cause versus having a tough cause and bunch of tough people to deal with.The decision is finally yours.
To get our basics right lets understand Mentoring, Coaching and Feedback:
Mentoring: Looks at providing guidance to all aspects of life where the mentor works on a superficial level.
Coaching: Is the long term support for technical, behavioral and skills-related learning and growth where the coach plays a more hands on role in developing the protégé.
Feedback: Is performance related as well as behavior related and is used for short term gains where corrective or progressive action is sought.
Lead your team as a coach instead of being a boss to gain commitment and effort.
Satisfaction: I define it as ‘Getting what you expect from life which makes you feel complete as an individual’. I find that it is like salvation, easy to find but hard to keep.
For Example, I wanted to write more as I was not satisfied with what I had shared with you yet. As a matter of fact, the list of things that I am not satisfied with is pretty lengthy.
What about you , what are you not satisfied with – Too small a home? Too much of work load? Too much traffic? Too bad politics going around? Too little space for yourself? Too many responsibilities? Everything is excessively expensive? Too many questions?
So, why am I talking to you about all of this?
I am just going to share what I feel about satisfaction, how I manage to keep myself content and happy and leave the rest up for you to figure out.
My Perspective: Achievement = Expectation; and just like most mathematical calculations that gets difficult due to an ever changing variable. This one too, has a twist.The variable is your ‘expectation’. It changes and grows and doubles itself faster than any stock on the NSE!
Simply put , you want a better house, a better car and better group of people to socialize with. As all of this does not come cheap, so you want more money – to get which you either need a better job , a better salary or an all new business expansion.
Imagine if life was a see-saw (like the one you played on as a kid) you will be on one side and your expectations on the other. What could happe
Scenario 1: You are heavier than your expectations – How long can a monkey chase a car when he knows there isn’t anything that he will get from there?
Whenever my expectations, goals, targets or whatever you may call it, has been low or too easy to get, I have without fail lost the urge to do a great job at it.
If our expectations are lighter than us, our talent, our skills and our capabilities, they will not create enough thrust, pain or pleasure for us to act. We will be complacent as life will be easy. Thus, low satisfaction.
Scenario 2: Your expectations are heavier than you – For how long can a donkey live if he pulls more weight than his worth?
There is a Japanese term ‘Karoshi’ which means death by overwork. Too many expectations often lead to Karoshi. You must understand that death here is a relative term which could wither refers to the end of life or the end of a cause, a person who suffers a breakdown or gives up.
If Our expectations are heavier than we are , we could either be pulled down by it or be crushed under it. Thus, low satisfaction. In rare cases, they are met too.
The question that stays is – is it worth the risk to expect more and more?
Scenario 3: You and your expectations are balanced – The healthiest option while eating is to eat as much as the hunger is. Eat less and you will have to fight hunger, eat more and you will have to fight obesity!
Think about it, practically, was it ever easy to balance the see-saw? What did it take to balance? The answer is ‘ Constant effort’. If we are able to balance our skill sets with our expectations we have the right party mix that leads to bliss and satisfaction.
Back to mathematics: Achievement = Talent (Skills and Capability) + Effort (Hard Work) that meets expectations and gets tangible results.
We can infer that if we constantly make an effort to manage our expectations and keep them logical, satisfaction will come our way.
Step 1: Set expectations – Make a list of things that you expect to happen in the next three months
Step 2: Validate Expectations – Make a list of skill sets and resources that you need to meet Your expectations
Step 3: Create a plan of action with the three things in it –
1. Defined tasks to be done one at a time in order to meet your expectation.
2. Time lines: Start and End date for each task.
3. Check points: Review your progress on the action plan every week.
Moreover, you can have as many actions plans running together as you like. I would suggest starting with one or two at a time.
Sounds Simple? Trust me that it is not easy because commitment is a rare commodity these days. I hope you apply this tool become satisfied. I use it and it works!
If you were looking for something quicker, easier and the ‘one time fix’ kind to manage your expectations, let me assert that there is no tool like that! Expecting too much again, huh?
The only solution to get satisfaction is to make constant effort towards keeping your expectations in check
Since I am expecting a large Cheeze burst pizza in the next 5 minutes, I will sign off.
Writing this blog was a thing I wanted to do for the last two years. Yet, this is only my fourth post. So the question is – ‘How many times have you planned to do something and never done it?’ Can’t think of a number, right? Must be many times, huh?
That’s the story, almost everyone I know, has shared with me. Time is the fifth element of nature. It is what creates balance and change. It is the most nonrenewable resource and the most unforgiving partner. Timing is the key to success. The right timing leads to the right results.
A baby born a few days too early or to late can end a life. A company started at a wrong time with too many competitors does not break even.
The Indian Sunrise sectors reinforce this law of nature. The first companies to come are the last ones to go and the longest ones to live.
So what can you do NOW?
Make a list of things you wanted to do but never did. Put them on a piece of paper, big and paste it in front of you. Start with the ones that make the maximum difference to your life, thrust you towards your goals the most. Work on them as if the world ends next month. Act now, move and make a difference.
There is no shortcut to delete procrastination from your life but to start acting now. Or if you are looking to work on this later … that’s entirely up to you.